Chicago Here We Come

Unfortunately I didn’t have time to write today, let alone breathe. What a busy day! It’s 11 p.m. and I just printed out the maps for Chicago. I just finished the last load of laundry. I still need to pack. Sophie is limping and I need to soak her foot in epsom salt. There never is enough time in the day. Life is great!

Tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. we are leaving for Chicago. We’ll be ringing in the New Year at P.S. Chicago, an 80s bar on Rush Street. It’s very spontaneous of us to be going on this trip but we are really looking forward to the time away. We are hoping this is our last big New Year’s for a few years. God willing, we’ll be celebrating with a little baby next year!

So this is my last entry of the year. It’s a crappy one too but it will have to do. I have my New Year’s Resolutions ready to post but I want to wait until January 1st to commit them to paper.

I hope everyone has a wonderful last few days of 2007. Enjoy these last days with the ones you loved. And here come 2008. May it be better then the last, if such a thing were possible!

Happy Birthday

Thirty one years ago you were born into this wonderful world. I’m so thankful for that day. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. Or who I would be for that matter. You are a big reason that I am the person I am today. Meeting you has changed my life in so many ways. With your constant support of my new adventures, you have let me spread my wings in ways I didn’t know were possible. When my ideas are unrealistic you bring me back to earth in a calming matter. You always believe in me and I really appreciate that.

People are drawn to you. I know that’s why you will be good at your new job. There is something about your mannerism that makes you approachable. People want to talk to you and feel comfortable in your presence. Like I’ve said many times before, you have no enemies. You can always find the good in a person. When I can easily point out the negative you can quickly counteract with a positive. I love that about you. You can find something beautiful in the ugliest of personalities. That’s a wonderful part of your personality that I am slowly starting to inherit. You have taught me “not to judge a book by its cover” and never to go off a first impression. I’m learning to dig deeper and find the good in each person. It’s not natural for me but for you it is. It’s one of your best qualities. That’s probably one of the reasons I feel in love with you.

Of course I believe in love at first sight. You are my proof. But it was before I met you face to face that I felt love. All the wonderful things that Jim said about you made me want to meet you even more. Weeks went by before I finally met the infamous Frank. And you were everything he built you up to be, but more. I’ll never forget the first time I saw you on Market Street. I knew at that moment that I had to get to know you better. Months would go by before our first date run. But I knew within weeks that you were “The One.” I believed with all my heart and soul that one day we would get married. I felt more confident about that then anything I ever felt in my life.

I am so glad my dream came true. I know anything is possible with you at my side. You help make this crazy world more breathable. You bring God closer to my heart. You were my missing piece. You have completed me.

I will end this entry since you are sitting on the couch bored to pieces. Thank you for bearing with me during this blog.

Mary Did You Know?

Late last night as I slowly got high off paint fumes, I watched “The Nativity Story.” First thing first, I have to say that I do not like the way they portrayed Mary. The movie made Mary to appear as a brat before the angel spoke to her and afterwards an arrogant righteous woman. This part of the movie sickened me. Mary barely spoke but only half smiled or gave no expression at all. Is that the way people see her? It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why would God want His son to be raised by that type of women? God would only want the best for His son. You would think right? Maybe I’m just looking into it too much. Or maybe the paint fumes really were getting to me. But overall I did not like the interpretation of Mary. There were a few moments in the movie that Mary appeared to be compassionate but there weren’t enough of these scenes to fulfill my expectations of her.

With that out of the way, I do have to say that the story was well done. I loved how the story of King Herod was intertwined throughout the movie to show the historical importance of Jesus’ birth. The King made living conditions unbearable for many with his outrageous taxes and then his silly census. And to top it, at the end of the movie he had his troops slaughter all the male children under the age of two in Bethlehem. Thanks to the whisper of an angel, Joseph and Mary escape just in time to save baby Jesus.

And then there was the fact that Mary was pregnant out of wedlock. All the nasty looks she received in Nazareth. Joseph was frowned upon by his friends. He easily could have denounced her and had Mary stoned to death. With the King out to kill her baby and her own people rejecting her, it wasn’t just a virgin birth. It was a miracle. There were so many road blocks along the way that could have easily terminated His birth. But God willing it happened. And thank God!

As much as I complained about the portrayal of Mary, I do have to say, the whole time Mary remained calm. Maybe that’s what really bugged me. Mary is my role model and obviously I am far away from being like her. If I were in her shoes I would be a nervous wreck. Yelling at Frank to get the pistol and shot those bloody soldiers! (I don’t own a gun so this would never happen.) It’s as if she knew that everything was going to be alright. She had a peaceful calm about her throughout the film. When Joseph is walking around Bethlehem looking for an open inn, Mary is in labor on the donkey and is trying her hardest to keep it together. Again I would have been screaming, “Hurry the heck up before this baby pops!” The bravery of Mary amazes me. And she was only 15. I’m nearly twice her age and I can’t imagine being so composed.

Maybe it wasn’t that Mary was emotionless in the movie. Maybe it was that she was content and quiet. So many times I have to talk or get in the middle of things. I need to learn from Mary to just sit back and wait. It will all be taken care of the way God wills. I need to learn this lesson.

I love how the movie showed Joseph and Mary working together throughout their journey to Bethlehem. They barely knew each other and were traveling approximately 100 miles through a desert with little food and water. Mary put all her trust in Joseph, a man she was forced to marry and barely knew. And Joseph did not fail her. Weeks earlier he learned of her pregnancy and was nearly in tears. But with the grace of God, Joseph led her to safety. Amazing.

There was a very touching scene when Mary looks down from the donkey and sees that Joseph’s feet are bloody and beaten from all the walking. She is obviously concerned for his well-being and ends up washing them in the river. (Symbolic to Jesus washing the feet at the Last Supper?) At that moment you can see that she finally realizing how much Joseph loves her and the unborn baby. It brought tears to my eyes. God brought two strangers together and made them one for his baby.

That scene reminded me a lot of my own marriage. At one time, Frank and I were perfect strangers. And then God brought us together to become one. I think of all the little things he does for me to make my life easier. It makes me grow closer to him and appreciate my marriage more. And I know its God working through him for me. For us. Just like Joseph and Mary, someday we will be doing the same for our own child. But our journey will be much different then theirs.

Blue Be Gone

I messed up and bought the wrong primer. I should have realized it right away but it took me four painted walls later. In my supidity I bought oil based primer instead of water based. So needless to say I will be throwing away my paint roller. The fumes were really getting to me and I thought I was getting sick. I aired out the house and all is good now. Just don't light a match in this house.

Two Bad Things Tomorrow

10 a.m.: Dentist appointment. I hate those darn things. I know I have tons of work to get done on this mouth of mine. I'm waiting to hear the words: ROOT CANAL. Seriously I have a strong feeling I will hear those words.

2 p.m.: Conference call for work. What kind of vacation is this?

Brewer in Action

I am supposed to be on vacation all week from work. I have checked my work email everyday so far. Even on Christmas. I disgust myself. I haven’t responded to any email but only have monitored the volume. But still, it’s repulsive. Maybe if I would have remembered to put an “out of office” reply on before I left then I wouldn’t be checking it consistently. Sometimes on the weekends I have trouble concentrating on task because I am too busy thinking up solutions to files at work. Dreaming of work can become a problem during “crunch time.” Yuck. I know I am not alone in this matter because Tabitha has done the same thing. I don’t understand how work can become such a focal point of our lives. Why can’t I be so consumed with thoughts of my husbands that I can’t concentrate at work? The effect doesn’t work in reverse. Is it the money that does it or the pressure to succeed?

I pray I pray I pray that I will not have to return back to work when I have children. I pray I pray I pray that God will find a way. Then when I am at the grocery store with little Frankie on my hip I can try to remember if I left the coffee pot on at the house.

Side note: Mom & dad bought me my very first coffee maker for Christmas. It makes four cups. I insisted that I got a small maker because I only drink one cup a day. This morning when I pulled out my favorite coffee cup and poured myself two cups (I thought I would drank a little more today being the first cup) the coffee didn’t fill the cup. So I guess I really drink three to four cups of coffee a day. I guess my cup is big.

John Paul was there

Christmas Day has just begun and so far it’s the best Christmas to date. Yesterday our Christmas Eve was filled with so many joyous moments. We both were emotional all day and couldn’t contain ourselves. At 11 p.m. last night Frank wanted to find a midnight Mass so we could go again!

We started the day at Little Sisters of the Poor visiting Mary Walker. The last time we saw Mary was on our wedding day so we were very overdue. But it didn’t faze her. We handed out candy to all the seniors we would pass in the halls. A few stopped to chat about their lives. One caressed Frank’s shoulder the whole time she talked to him. I was dying with laughter inside. As we ate lunch the sisters walked in and started servicing the residence. It was a sight to see. They were filled with the Holy Spirit and had so much love to give.

And then all of a sudden Santa ho ho ho’d his way in the room with several elves. Christmas music started to blare over the intercom. The elves passed out gifts and placed Santa hats on everyone. Some of the girl elves started dancing with the male residences. It was amazing. I felt like I was at a party! The whole time Mary just smiled. She seemed very much at peace. I know every time she sees us we remind her of my grandma. I know it probably is tough sometimes because she misses her dearly. But yesterday she seemed blissful. It was a sight to see.

Our Mass was unbelievable. It was the first time since Frank and I started dating that we went to Sacred Heart for Christmas Mass. We usually go to Holy Trinity to see Father John but this year we decided we needed to start a tradition at our parish. I may have said this before but I don’t think it can be said enough, Father Stanger has a gift. I get so excited when he is the presiding priest because he has amazing homilies. He really gets you thinking. His homily was about how we really don’t know what day Jesus was born. It could be Nov. 1st or July 4th. December 25th is just the day we celebrate it. His message was everyday we should act as if it is the birth of Our Savior. What a concept! Everyone is so happy on Christmas to be with loved ones and celebrating. Why can’t we always be so happy? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyday was Jesus’ birthday? Amen! That’s the new way I am going to try and live my life. Every day we should rejoice! Our Savior has been born! If I really could live my life like that everyday then people would really be able to God through me. He would be flying out my fingertips as I typed and flowing out of my mouth when I spoke. That would be a revolutionary way to live.

With such a holy day already, who knows what the rest of Christmas will bring. Praise be to God, Our Savior is born!

Missed 8

There is a reason my blogs have been blah. At least that’s the way I feel. Blah blah blah. Nothing special to them lately. I have so many things to write about but I have selfishly been hiding it to the side. Although if I were wise I would write them down before I forgot! Apparently I am not as wise as I thought.

I have a side project I am working on and it has to do with my blogs. I guess I am saving the good stuff for this side project. Many prayers are going into this project. And with all my heart I hope this project will pay off. I know it will take time to get off and going but I am willing to invest the time. More so, I know it will take a lot of patience. Like they say, patience is a virtue, so I am doing a lot of praying that God gives me this wonderful virtue.

I believe God answers prayers. I just know that sometimes He doesn’t answer them the way we expect. If I pray about something He doesn’t just hand me the answer on a silver platter. Sometimes I have to do some soul searching to see the answer. This project took months of soul searching. To be real honest, it took years. And then one day it hit me. And the project has begun.

Hopefully in the next few weeks I can official start this project. So bare with me for a little bit longer while I get things in order. Or pray that I get smarter and keep writing!

White as Snow

What a great way to start the day! I went for a run and contemplated all the sins I would confess. After the run I showered and we headed to Reconciliation. Before we left we both did the Examination of Conscience. We both had little scrape papers to jot down notes but once I read the Examination of Conscience I realize I needed a whole sheet of paper. Or two of three. WoW! You don’t realize how much you sin until you actually dig deep and see it on paper. The little things add up and turn into mountains.

It’s such an amazing feeling when you walk out of Confession and you know God has forgiven you. You feel so clean and free. We both smiled at each other when we walked out of the church and just felt at peace.

At the grocery store we had a lovely conversation with the cashier. As we started to leave she said, “You two should have some kids. You are both beautiful people.” Later Frank said, “I guess she thinks we are good looking people.” Ha! I said, “No, she can see that we are glowing.” We’ve been glowing all day. I just pray that this feeling last a long time. I know any minute that dog is going to pee all over my white snow. I'm so weak and I let it happen. I just hope this time I will be stronger.

Step 1

Last night Frank and I did the following:
1. Moved the dresser from the guest bedroom into our bedroom
2. Took down all the curtain rods and picture frames
3. Removed all the screws and nails from the walls

Today Frank will be taping the trim and ceiling so I can prime over the blue walls this weekend.

Saturday my uncle will be coming over to fix the electric in the room.

Next week we will paint the room yellow.

The following week Frank will remove the carpet.

We are one step closer to the guest room becoming a nursery some day! Let the baby making begin!

It's Worth It

Jasmine and I were supposed to be in the lobby between 6:30-6:45 to pick up our tickets. The highway was shut down so I had to take all these side roads to get there. Stop light. Stop light. Slow driver. Stop light. Testing my patience. Test. Test. Red light. When we finally got on the highway, out loud I said “Okay God just get us to the game in one piece.” Jasmine laughed and said that reminded her of a guy saying a quick prayer before his test that morning. She thought my prayer was silly. I explained to her that prayers don’t have to be long all the time. You can say something quick. God understands. We got off the highway, blinking lights. Water main break so the road is down to one lane. Stop light. It’s one thing after another. I look at the clock and it is now 6:43. I am trying my hardest to be patience. We pull into the parking lot and I say another prayer out loud, “Ok God. We are here safe. Just get us inside before the lady leaves with our tickets.” Again Jasmine laughs at me. I smile as we run into the stadium. We get there and can’t find the lady. I’m feeling very frantic but I don’t want to lose my cool. I walk up to the Will Call hoping they are there. I tell Jasmine that just in case they aren’t there I will buy us some tickets. As I’m waiting in line this older gentleman walks up to me and hands me two FREE TICKETS!!! Alleluia!!! I gladly accept the tickets and profusely thank him. Jasmine is cracking up because I’m so excited about the free tickets. I explain to her, “See God answered my prayers. I asked for the lady to be here with my tickets and instead He gave me free tickets!” Jasmine just gets a huge smile on her face.

We go to the concession stand and I’m just ecstatic. This cashier had to close her lane so this older couple got pushed to the end of the line. I let them go in front of me and the guy just kind of looked at me funny. He asked if I am being nice because it’s almost Christmas. I laughed back and told him I am always nice. We laughed together and Jasmine just listened to our adult banter. We finally get to the front of the line. I make small talk with the cashier as she gets our items and rings us up. When I walk away I turn to the lady and say, “Merry Christmas!” Jasmine gets her million dollar smile on her face. I say, “What?” And she simply says, “I’ve never realized how nice you are. You are so nice to people.” WOW! That made my day! All these years of being involved in Big Brother Big Sister came down to that one moment. That makes it all worth it. All night long Jasmine had a big smile on her face and was very talkative. She opened up to me a lot about her boy issues and what she wants to do with her future. When we got in the car I handed her Christmas gift. She asked if she could wait until Christmas to open it. OF COURSE! How many kids would say that? She is such an amazing kid. I’m so lucky to have her in my life. I pray that I can continue to be a good role model for her as she gets through these crazy years of high school. Boy I know they are tough!

Let's Be Good

I just read an amazing story online about Jim Friel, a middle school principal, who is going to donate one of his kidneys to a 13-year-old eighth-grader at his school WOW! That simply amazes me. I watched the video and read the story and the whole time there was a lump in my chest. Don’t cry Don’t cry…I’m at work for pete’s sake! You hear so many stories on the news about this drive-by shooting or this robbery or that drug bust. The news seems to kill the good in the human person. I think hearing so much negativity actually increases intolerance in average people. We get afraid that something bad will happen to us so we don’t open up to others. It can be a nasty cycle.

We need to hear more stories like this! More people doing something good to change the world. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a news station that was devoted to showing superb people doing positive actions to change the world? I would love that show! I need to hear more positive things in my life. Every time I hear someone doing something good I want to go out and do something too! Not saying that I am ready to donate my kidney but I want to change the world. So thanks Jim! You are my hero.

Book of Habakkuk

This book was my daily reading. I found it amazing that even though this book was written so long ago (they place him in the last quarter of the 7th century) it still rings true today. Chapter 1:2 he says, “How long, O LORD? I cry for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not intervene.” Doesn’t that sound familiar? So many times something goes wrong in my life and I cry out to God, why? Why are you doing this to me? What did I do wrong? When are you going to fix it? It makes me feel a lot better to see that one of the Minor Prophets in the Bible felt the same way. I hate when I am whiny and especially to God. He’s been so good to me and so many times I return the favor by complaining. I always want things my way. I’m learning that things are not my will but His. But sometimes it is still hard to accept.

An angel get its wings

Last night Frank and I did our Christmas tradition and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Our DVD/VCR has not worked since August so there was a slim chance that we were going to miss our tradition this year. I wasn’t about to forfeit on the account of our laziness so I fiddled with the cords and wahla.

I love the scene at the end of the movie when George Bailey is running around Bedford Falls screaming Merry Christmas to everyone and saying hello to the Emporium and other hot spots in the little quaint town. You can really feel his happiness for life. That scene makes me cry every time. That moment and many more pivotal scenes in the movie.

It’s true that you can watch a movie over and over again and learn something new each time. For instance, last night I heard a dog barking in the background when George Bailey and his father were eating dinner before the big dance. It was the first time Frank heard the bark too and we kept looking for a dog. All we saw was a black tail. Last night was the first time I noticed that Mr. & Mrs. Martini did the sign of the cross when George & Mary handed them the gifts at the doorstep of their new home.

But another thing that struck me this time was Uncle Billy losing the money. He was boasting to Potter about Harry Bailey receiving a medal of honor from the president. Uncle Billy absent mindedly gave Potter the money when he returned the newspaper. The lesson I learned-don’t be prideful. It’s okay to be happy (like George at the end) but there comes a point when your happiness can be turned into self-gratification.

I really believe that God gives you what you deserve. If you show God gratitude and thanksgiving for the gifts He has given you then He will be pleased. It’s okay to be joyful when something good happens but it’s not okay to rub it in other people’s faces. God wants us to be happy but not at the account of other people.

Last night was “It’s a Wonderful Life” and tonight it’s a Christmas Novena. Christmas is right around the corner.

Gaudete Sunday

Rejoice Rejoice! The Sunday I have been looking forward to for weeks has arrived! What a great way to start off your day with a glorious Mass filled with songs of praise and anticipation for the birth of the Lord. Can you feel it in the air? It’s right around the corner. The birth of our Savior is upon us, are you ready? I honestly can say I know I’m not but I am trying my hardest to get there! Hopefully a week filled with Novenas will do the trick.

As Father Stanger, standing in his ‘rose’ colored vestment, so gracefully put it “Rejoice in the Lord always.” The key word being always. What a hard task to take on but it’s a challenge I am ready to take. I am going to try with all my strength to live life that way from here on out. Always rejoice in the Lord. Regardless of my mood or the mood of those around me. Rejoice in the Lord always.

I think Frank and me did a really good job of rejoicing in the Lord when Frank was out of work. Some days were harder then others though. I can remember some frustrating nights that I wanted to scream or even worse bite off Frank’s head. But I kept praying and thanking God for the little things in our lives. There were many nights when we didn’t even mention Frank’s job search. And when Frank finally found a job we praised God for letting all those other jobs fall through. He always knows what we need. We just have to trust Him and allow Him to get us there. Frank and I did a lot of rejoicing during his unemployment. And I think God acknowledged that with this amazing opportunity Frank has been given at SLU Hospital. Give thanks to God because God is good.

Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow

It’s amazing that earlier this week I went for a run and nearly got hot and today it’s snowing non-stop. That’s St. Louis weather for you! The snow on our deck just measured at five inches and its continuing to drop. I can’t remember the last time we ever had snow like this. I love it! I want to run in the front yard and make a snow angel. Or sled down a steep hill. Or get in a snow ball fight! What fun!

Frank doesn’t think he has ever made a snowman! Oh my gosh! Add it to the list!

Ode to Shoppers

I made the huge mistake of walking into Wal-Mart last night. First time I had been there in nearly five years and hopefully will be the last time. It was a madhouse. I wonder if it’s that way every time of year or just Christmas. I thought by waiting until 10 p.m. that it wouldn’t be as crowded. Wrong. Apparently everyone was thinking the same thing as me. Days like this I am so glad I have a 8-5 job where I sit at a desk. Say a special prayer for retail workers this time of year. What I saw last night would drive anyone mad.

Lighter Up

Happy St. Lucy Feast Day! Earlier this week I went to Target and bought all my candles so I could light the house from top to bottom. I purposely came into work early today so I could enjoy more of my evening tonight with Frank with all the candles lit. I know it sounds silly but I have been looking forward to this feast day for weeks. I guess because I am a candle freak!

As soon as I woke up I lit my little angel’s candles and kept the lights off in the house while I got ready. As I ate my breakfast I watched my angel holding the glowing flames high in the air. Slowly the little square candles melted into the shape of tiny wax balls. As hard as I tried to reflect on Lucy’s bravery so many years ago I couldn’t focus. Sophie was wagging her nub in excitement and Buster (we are babysitting my parents’ dog) was pawing at my leg. They were desperately craving my attention and I was becoming frustrated. But I guess I need to give them a little slack. Lighting candles in the morning is not in my normal routine so I probably through them off.

I love reading all the stories of the martyrs and hearing about their bravery and commitment to God. This morning I tried imaging what it would be like to be persecuted for following God. I was thinking a lot about Lucy and how steadfast she was about her lifestyle and devotion to God. Nobody was going to make her put pagan ideologies above God. No matter what the cost.

In many ways we are like Lucy but on a smaller scale. By fighting for “In God We Trust” on the dollar bill. By defending “one nation under God” in the Pledge of the Allegiance. By placing a Nativity scene in your front yard. By simply saying “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.” By wearing a cross around your neck when you are out at a bar. In all the little ways that we let Christ shine through our lives.

In my own life I can think of countless times that I have had to defend my beliefs. It’s hard sometimes to be unwavering but in the end you know it was the right decision. I know I’m not up against an army that wants to rip out my eyes. But sometimes it feels like it. All I can do is be like Lucy and be firm in my faith. I know God will have my back and that’s all I need.

Frank Shares Everything

Even his hot chocolate.

The Servant of Yahweh

This morning I started and finished reading the Book of Obadiah. I can honestly say I had never heard of this book in the Bible. How is that? I went to Catholic grade school and I took Introduction to the Bible in college. I hope at one time I knew of the book and I can just blame it on my slipping memory. A problem I seriously have and am trying to fix. (Is there even a way to fix that?)

Catholics get grief all the time for not ‘knowing the Bible like other Christians’ and I was hoping to prove that point wrong by reading the entire Bible. But I now need to admit that I have never heard of the Book of Obadiah. Heck, I don’t even know how to pronounce Obadiah. Although it helps my case that this is the shortest book in the Old Testament. I guess I have never skimmed the contents of the Bible because now I realize I have never heard of the Book of Haggai. But I don’t start reading that book until Dec. 20th so I got some time to worry about ‘unknown’ book. Gosh I feel like a slosh. But I hope God realizes I am trying!

Young at Heart

Last night we put the commercial side of Christmas behind us and we devoted an hour to God as the Kenrick Seminary Novena. I know I know, it was a measly hour but it was an hour well spent. If you really want to understand the true meaning of the Advent Season then visit your local church and do a Novena. It’s not about the gifts or the good food eaten with your family. And can you believe that’s it not about the vacation days from work! It’s about the anticipation for the birth of Christ our Savior. His birth is quickly approaching! Are you ready?

What amazed me the most about the novena last night were the seminarians. I know I should have been more focused on the reason I was there, the prayers, the songs, the ambience. But I couldn’t take my eyes of the young men during the novena. A great deal of them were handsome young men in their 20s. I just find that absolutely inspiring. At an age where most men are thinking about going out partying or hooking up with a girl, these men have listened to the God’s call and responded. Just like Mary saying yes, these young men have said yes. And here they are in the seminary learning all there is to know about dedicating their lives to God. I have great admiration for these men. Starting today they are in my prayers while they continue their amazing journey. Hearing them harmonize in songs of praise to God took my breath away. Watching them at the alter as they focused on God left me humbled. I really felt the Lord’s presence in these men’s lives. I felt at peace last night during the Novena. And more then ever I am anticipating the birth of Christ.

Kenrick Seminary Novena

It is now 6:21 p.m. We need to leave the house by 6:30 p.m. to get to Frank’s parent’s house by 6:35 p.m. to be on the road at exact 6:35 p.m. to be at Kenrick Seminary by 7:10 p.m. It is now 6:22 p.m. Frank just turned off the water in the shower. He has exact seven minutes to get ready. How does a man do that?

Working in Reverse

I apologize for the lengthy entries. I’m on a roll. But I realized I’m devoting more time to my blog then my offline writing. So I am going to try and write offline first and then my blog. But I really like the blog idea. It has my creative juices going. I just don’t want to run out of fuel.

Quick Note

I FINALLY finished taking all my real estate classes and I have passed both completion test. I just printed out both certificates and I am good to go. I can now move forward with the AMP test and become an official real estate agent. Unfortunately I was really lazy and I haven't even looked at my notes from the first section of classes in September. So it looks like I will be busy studying these next few weeks. I have until March to take and pass the AMP.

Tonight Frank and I went to the Christmas Concert at the Florissant Valley Civic Center. Dennis' gal, Stacey, plays the flute in the Northwinds Concert Band. It was the first time I ever heard Han Christian Andersen's story of "The Steadfast Tin Soldier." It was great! After they finished the "Tin Soldier," they played various Christmas pieces. We really enjoyed the concert. Something we normally wouldn't do so it was a nice change of pace.

Immaculate Conception

So many things to think about on this day. My mind takes me in so many directions. Starting off, today is my father’s 58th birthday! Happy Birthday dad! I hope you enjoyed the “Yo Daddy’s so old” jokes. I only wanted to bring a smile to your face.

Pope Pius IX defined that the Blessed Mary “in the first instance of her conception, by a singular privilege and grace granted by God, in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the human race, was preserved exempt from all stains of original sin.” And for 153 years, that is what we Catholics refer to as the Immaculate Conception. Check out these links for more details: New Advent Catholic Encyclopedia (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07674d.htm) or Saint of the Day (http://www.americancatholic.org/Features/SaintofDay/default.asp)
It would only make sense that our Lord and Savior would come from an unblemished womb. It would only make sense that from her conception, Mary led a sin free life for Christ. It would only make sense that our Lord and Savior would be raised by a sin-free woman. How could it be any other way?

God had a heavenly plan for his divine Son and I’m sure he would have perfected the details of His mother as well. I’m sure God just didn’t pick any girl off the street and say, “hey will you carry my Son?” Do you think the response would have been yes? Doubtful. God put a lot of thought into the selection of Mary and He made her birth just as perfect as the Lord’s birth. He watched over her for approximately 15 years making sure that she was on the right path and ready to accept his proposal. There definitely was divine intervention in the planning.

Mary led a sinless life because of the person she was and because of the person she was going to become for Christ. When she said yes to the angel she didn’t only say yes to carrying the baby in her womb for nine months. She said yes to months of diapers. Yes to juggling a child, a marriage and a home. Yes to teaching this child to crawl, walk and talk. Yes to potty training. Yes to sending him off to school. Yes to teaching this child about God. Yes to watching Him grow and leave the house for His public ministry. Yes to giving her Son back to God in order to save our sins. Not her sins but our sins. There was approximately 33 years worth of yes’s uttered in that one yes to Gabriel. Without hesitation she accepted the offer and her life was changed forever.

To me, Gabriel’s question is a loaded question. I can’t say that I would have had as quick of a response as Mary. And for that reason alone I admire her so much more. Her trust in God was unbreakable. Not even the presence of an angel was going to make her question her Lord. And she quickly and graciously said yes. And I thank her for that.

But what struck me today about the Immaculate Conception more then anything were the roles Mary’s parents had in the whole plan. Here Joachim and Anna are giving birth to their precious daughter. Did they have any idea that their child would play such a huge role in our lives today? Did they have any idea that someday their daughter would reverse the curse of Eve? Did they have any idea that their child was saved from the stain of original sin?

Every parent thinks their child is special so I’m sure they felt a lot of love for their bundle of joy. But I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they knew nothing of God’s plan. (Please correct me if I am wrong.) If they knew, then I’m sure they would have told Mary and she would have been prepared for Gabriel’s call. But she didn’t know what leads me to believe they didn’t know.

How did they raise Mary to keep her ‘holy and full of grace?’ I’m sure at some point in their marriage Joachim and Anna fought about the typical things we fight about today (minus credit card bills and gasoline prices.) I’m sure Mary’s friends must have picked on one particular child and called them hurtful names. I’m sure one of Mary’s relatives was doing sinful things in their relationship and everyone was gossiping about it. I’m sure when she was in the market place she over heard people arguing. After all, Mary was sin free but that doesn’t mean everyone else around her was as well. She was surrounded by sinners throughout her life. It amazes me that her will power was so strong that she was able to ignore all the sin around her and not give in. It amazes me that growing up and hearing her parents argue didn’t teach her what to expect from others or how to treat her future spouse. It amazes me that she didn’t give in to the child ridicule that we ourselves get into everyday. It amazes me that she lived so different then everyone else around her. Do you think they noticed?

Personally, I sin every day. I am a sinful person. And I can honestly say I haven’t crossed the path of anyone that is sin-free. But even if I did, would I notice? Would I stop and say, ‘wow! There goes a holy person.’ Do you think its something that is noticed? If so, do you think the people around Mary knew she was holy and tried to be more holy around her? If not, can you imagine how intense her will power was all those years before Gabriel visited her? Speaking for myself I get caught in sinful situations all the time. Mostly they include gossiping. I try really hard not to get involved in the conversation but the longer it goes on the harder it gets to through in a jab. My will power is so weak sometimes. Can you imagine Mary being in those same situations and not ever saying a peep? Not even having the thought of negativity? Instead she probably just walked away.

I want to live a life more like Mary. I want to walk away from the gossip and I want to stop arguing about silly things that I have no control over. I want to be holy in all my actions, regardless of there size. It sounds like an impossible task but I know it can be done. Look at Mary. She is the example we have of pure and perfect holiness. How couldn’t someone want to be more like her?

All of these thoughts take me back to the beginning of this message and I apology now for the jump in thought. But like I said, today has left my head filled with so many things. As I reflected on the Immaculate Conception, it made me think of my dad’s birth. I wonder if 58 years ago, when my grandma gave my dad up for adoption, did she wonder what kind of person he would become some day? Did she wonder what he would do with his life some day? Did she imagine that he would eventually get married and have three children of his own? Did she pray that his new parents would teach him about Christ? Did she dream of seeing him again someday in heaven? Did she plead that the choice she was making was for the best of her child and that someday she would fully accept it? Could some of these have been questions Joachim and Anna asked themselves about their baby Mary? Or even God thought when he chose Mary for His Son? After all, my dad is human as Mary and Jesus were. Even though he has lived a much different life, they all started off the same.

TGIC (Thank God its Christmas)

Tonight we hung up the Christmas tree and decorated it from top to bottom. As we decorated the tree we listened to Christmas music, sipped on some wine and turned the lights down low. If that doesn’t get you in the mood for Christmas I don’t know what will! As Jane pointed out last year, our tree looks like an Advent Tree. We fill it with purple, pink and silver bulbs and silver ribbon. Then we fill in the holes with unique ornaments we have received over the years.

As we hung some of these ornaments we stopped to show the other and comment about the significance of the ornament. We have an ornament from our first Christmas of dating in 2002. I have an ornament for the year I bought my house in 2003. Then we have the several ornaments from 2006 of our first married Christmas. We have the Theo (my cat) ornament with the note on the back saying, “Christmas 2006, he was missing for two weeks, found in an abandoned house by my parents.” We laughed as we remembered that crazy Christmas Eve last year. I handed Frank the last ornament to go on the tree, It’s a Wonderful Life with George lassoing the moon. He looked at me with sad puppy eyes and asked if it was over. Decorating the tree started off as a chore on a Friday night but ended up being a really fun, date night. I love nights like this when simple things like decorating a tree can make you smile. That’s what life is all about.

Making Changes

I did intend to upload my “Live With No Regrets” list and I went through the trouble of emailing it to myself at work so I could do it today. However after I emailed it to myself I actually read it. I haven’t read it line by line in a long time and I realized that the person I was in 2001 is not the same person I am today. To prove the point, that list is so old that I didn’t even know Frank when I made the list!

#63 is/was ‘get highlights.’ I used to think it would be neat to have caramel blonde highlights mixed in with my dark brown hair. But now I am very opposed to the idea. It probably has something to do with the time I tried dying my hair chocolate brown and it came out jet black. I haven’t dyed my hair since. So I will be editing my list and taking items like that off.

But it was fun going over my list last night with Frank because I got him to make a list. As he added items to his list I realized it wasn’t on mine but it was something I wanted to do. It’s funny how you spend so much time with a person that you become that person. Yikes!

I can happily say that #1 on his list, Visit the Vatican, is something I have already been privileged to do in my life. I wouldn’t have made it to the Vatican if I didn’t have #42, Run in a Marathon, on my list.

Since nobody seems to work on Friday, I will be working on my real estate classes and my list today. I hope to have an update this afternoon.

It wasn't just the wind

Sophie is sick. Gross. Had to give her some Metamucil in her dog food. While I blog about our baby being sick, Frank is videotaping on his cell phone. He thinks it will be the most watched video on utube. She ate the hidden Metamucil and she is very happy now. We just have to hope it works. I swear we are ready for parenthood after raising her!

All of a sudden she is playing with her dog bone. It's the most she has moved all day. That stuff works quick.

Feast day of St. Nicholas

Happy St. Nick’s Day! My mind completely escaped me and I didn’t remember the feast day until Mass this morning. I would have left candy in Frank’s shoes! I try to look at my Liturgical Calendar every night but last night I got so busy and completely forgot. Shame on me.

Do you put out your stocking or shoes the night before? We always did shoes when I was growing up. The Feast Day of St. Nicholas was like a mini-Christmas in my house. My dad was very strict and our house was kept very tidy. December 5th was the only night of the year that we could leave our shoes in the front room. Us three kids would each lay out our shoes in a perfect straight row against the wall near the front door. As we got older we also got smarter and started putting out more then one pair of shoes. The next day we would run to the door to see what St. Nick had left us. The shoes were never overflowing with gifts; mostly it was just food, coins and maybe a small trinket. I remember finding food that we normally didn’t have in the house. It was the only time of year that we had hard-shelled walnuts. I looked forward to pulling out the nut cracker and trying to break through the hard fortress to get to the nut. Even though I didn’t like walnuts it was always fun to break them open for my dad. With the walnuts we would also get an orange or an apple. Another rarity in our house. Sometimes my mom would put in a little toy like a yo-yo or a paddle ball. I would play with that yo-yo all day as if it were gold! The simply things amused me.

As we got older the tradition of St. Nicholas died. The yearly ritual of food in the shoes was over and we moved on to the commercial side of Christmas. I don’t know if it’s because we grew out of the measly presents or because we were growing out of our faith. Either case, St. Nicholas left our house around the time I was in middle school. As a kid all I knew about St. Nicholas was that he brought me little presents on Dec. 6th. Now that I am older I understand the feast day and why St. Nicholas is so important in our church. He teaches us about being charitable to the less fortunate. It’s a day to love our neighbor regardless of their situation. It’s a day where we can change someone’s life by a random act of kindness. Just like St. Nicholas did for those three young girls so many years ago, we can do the same. We just have to open our eyes.

So maybe its okay that I forgot to put walnuts in Frank’s shoes this morning. Instead I should celebrate the feast day as a Christian adult and do something charitable for a stranger. Because that’s how St. Nicholas would have wanted it.

Don't Let The Size Fool You

Until I have a baby of my very own, Sophie is my baby. My pride and joy. This morning I heard her pacing against the hardwood floors. I snapped my fingers for her to climb back into bed. She jumped in and snuggled right up next to me. I swear I spoon my dog more then my own husband. She whimpered for a bit until I was able to calm her down. She passed out within seconds. An hour or so later my alarm went off and it was time for me to get ready for work. I jumped into the shower and all of a sudden she opened the door and came crying in the bathroom. She was very needy this morning. I finally realized it was the strong winds that were scaring her. For the rest of the morning she followed me every where around the house until I left. The wind can be a frightful thing.

Why I started a blog

Because someone told me to do it that’s why. I can easily get talked into anything. Not that I’m a daredevil type but I do like to challenge myself. I know I’ll never be president (a job I have no desire to obtain) and I’ll probably never walk the moon (see how I changed the phrase from never to ‘probably never?’) I am just an original girl from the Midwest with no desire to shine at the national level. Honestly I just want to see what an original girl with no extra original gifts can do. So I guess that’s why I made my list.

Do you know how many people live in St. Louis and have never been to the top of The Arch? That’s just unreal to me. I don’t want my job to dictate my life. Or the amount of money I make to decide if I can take a trip to the zoo. I want to see the world not take over the world! I want to live life to the fullest. As Joe E. Lewis so profoundly said, “You only live once, and if you work it right, once is enough.” Although I have found different variations of his quote, it is so true. (As I am typing this the guy across the wall just announced that he has never been to The Muny!!! I swear people need to get out more.)

My goal on earth is to get to heaven. I don’t want to get to heaven and God ask what I did with the life He gave me and my respond be, “Well, I worked 40 hours a week and spent 4.75 hours in the car each week. On the weekends I had to clean the house and I was so exhausted from my week that I sat in front of the tube all day…” blah blah blah. But isn’t that the way we all feel about our lives at some point or another? It’s a constant circle of work, work, work. And then when it comes time to play you have to put in a little work to make the play fun. It stresses me out sometimes.

As my sister said in her speech at my wedding reception, “Trena is a dreamer.” That indeed is a fact. And she was right again when she said I was a different dreamer. I like to make my dreams come true. Running a marathon was on my list and I crossed that off in 2002 in the Rome Marathon. (side note: All my dreams are not painful. I have many pain-free dreams.) But really, my dreams aren’t big. They are just original things that an original person can do. You just have to think outside the box sometimes. Unfortunately the world we live in likes to lock us in our box and throw away the key. Honestly, look at your life. And who are you living for? Are you living for yourself or for someone else? For years I lived a life that would please those around me. For years I lived a life that pleased my boss. For years I was trapped in other people’s ideas of how my life should be. And I slowly am escaping. I want my life to mirror Jesus Christ and in order for that to happen I need to pop the bubble.

So in a nut shell, that’s why I started my blog. I want to take my thoughts to the next level. Instead of using this mind, that God so graciously gave me, to write about cell phone towers to my clients, I want to use my mind in a creative fashion. I want to go to heaven and be able to say, “God, I tried my best to use my gift for You? Did you approve?”

Baby Jesus

Back in either August or September one of my clients gave me a card with a statue of the Infant Jesus and a prayer. He said that the prayer had gotten him through some hard times in his life. A few days after I received it I started reading the prayer out loud every morning while sitting at the light on Page Ave. near my office. After you read the prayer, there are three petitions. I’ve been saying the same petitions every day since that time.

Today the Infant Jesus has answered prayer number one. Frank received a call from the hiring manager at SLU and they offered him the position as a Referral Specialist! We are both ecstatic. Frank has been out of work since July and it’s really been wearing on the both of us. Financially we have been somewhat okay but emotionally it’s been a roller coaster. In the beginning it was taking a toll on our marriage and we were constantly arguing. But by the grace of God we turned a bad situation into a good one. In the beginning we were relying on each other to get through our mess. We weren’t looking at the bigger picture. And then one day we changed the way we were handling the situation and turned to God. I asked God to help me carry my cross and Frank asked God to help us with our marriage. And God sure did. From there on out our marriage has been on fire! (Prayer number two was answered.) I’ve laughed more in the last month then I have our whole first year of marriage. God truly did lift the cross off my shoulder. And God truly did strength our marriage. And the Infant Jesus? He patiently waited for the right job to come and He grabbed it!

Looking back over the last few months there were various opportunities for employment for Frank. In the beginning he easily could have been back at Citibank, and miserable all over again. A few weeks later there was a possibility that MasterCard was going to call him about an open position. Again he would have been miserable. A month later he could have accepted the job at Banker’s Life & Casualty, and been miserable. The part-time gig at the printing shop could have come through and distracted him from his main focus. He easily could have gotten a part-time job during the holiday season. But he stayed focus and now he will be doing what will make him happy. A year ago we never would have imagined that Frank would be working at a hospital wearing a white lab coat. What a dream come true.

So starting tomorrow my prayer request number one will be replaced. Prayer number two will be an ongoing prayer throughout my marriage. And now on to prayer number three.

Philippians 4:13

A new PR has been set and is ready to be broken. I know. I can’t believe I said that myself. Going in this I thought this would be the last one. But now I got the marathon bug and I am itching for another race.

Each of my three marathons holds a special place in my heart. Rome is Rome. Need I say more? I’ll never forget the miles of cobble stone streets, carrying the liter of Gatorade for the last several miles and stopping to take pictures of every historical structure. I’ll never forget stopping to take a picture of a beautiful church and then decided to walk only to find my mom standing right there! Oh the shame I felt in walking at that very moment. I’ll never forget the carbonated water that gave me gas which led to me sucking on the sponges in the medal tubs. I’ll never forget the feeling of seeing the Coliseum which meant I was only .2 away from completing my first marathon. And then the pain I felt the next day while walking up the steps to the Vatican.

I’ll always remember Dublin for the friendship I formed with Joanne, a woman who I have grown to greatly admire and to this day thank God for bringing her in my life. I’ll remember running with her, Ron and Jamie for the first 19 miles. The whole way we talked or listened to Ron sing but made the painful experience an enjoyable time. I’ll remember Mass the night before with Joanne when the reading was 2 Timothy 4:6-8, 16-18 (“My life is already being poured away as a libation, and the time has come for me to be gone. I have fought the good fight to the end; I have run the race to the finish; I have kept the faith…”) and having the feeling that God was there to watch over us on our race the next day. I’ll remember wearing my Cardinal hat during the race because we were in the World Series even though we lost to Boston. I’ll remember waiting at the finish line to see Tara and Chastine complete their first marathon. What a great feeling to be there for Tara as she completed this awesome accomplishment that seemed like such a dream only months prior.

But Memphis, I’ll remember for so many more reasons. Maybe it’s because it’s fresh in my head since the other races were years ago. But Memphis has been a great experience in so many different aspects. I’m going to miss the months of training I invested in this race because I grew so much closer to my Uncle Jerry. Before we found our similar interest in running Uncle Jerry was just my uncle. A good uncle who was always nice to see during the holidays. But now he’s the uncle that I enjoy talking with about life and feel comfortable devolving personal information to him. I feel like more of a friend then a niece which is really nice. I’m going to miss my three hour plus conversations with Sharlene who has become an incredibly supportive friend. I started off as her coach for St. Louis a year ago and now she has become my personal psychologist getting me through these last few hard months. I’ve learned that she is not only a great runner but an amazing listener who always has good advice. I made new running friends: Ray, Bridget and Scott and even though they couldn’t come to Memphis they were there in spirit. I couldn’t have gotten through the training without these five amazing people. I owe them my PR. The five months of training were great and I always looked forward to the conversations we would have during the runs. We all ran the same pace so the training was a breeze. Training is so much easier when you have someone to talk you through the miles. The hills during training were endless and were greatly appreciated each time I came up against one in Memphis. I can proudly say I ran all the hills!

The start temperature was approximately 48 and had a finish temperature of 58. Incredibly unreal for December. There were actually times that I was hot! I couldn’t shed off enough clothes. I’ll never forget seeing Frank and Rachel (Patricio’s wife) at mile three. Seeing him brought me great joy! He is such a supportive husband and I am truly blessed to be his wife. And then seeing him again at mile 15. Frank nearly missed me but he sprinted up the hill with the video camera to film me running. That right there is pure and honest love.

The hills, the hills, the hills. But each hill I cheerfully accepted and looked forward to reaching the top. It was the miles upon miles of crowned roads that left my toenails bruised and beaten. But luckily I was able to outsmart the caliber and got through the race pain-free. I remember the great feeling at the 13.1 mark when I realized we were running perfect 10 minute miles. Only miles later to have the 4:30 pacers catch up with us and quickly pass us. Ironically I finished a few minutes before one of the pacers. Needless to say he was pacing the wrong time. I’ll never forget the “your momma’s so fat” and “your momma’s so dumb” jokes around mile 15. That cracked me up! And what about the two 12-year-old boys playing the guitar and singing. When I waved to thank them, he screamed through the microphone, “KEEP ON RUNNING!!!!” I’ll never forget running past St. Jude’s Research Hospital and later in the race seeing a sick child on the sidelines with his father. And the mom who held her baby girl and said “thank you” to us runners. The pain in my heart for both children made me run stronger. I realized at those moments why I was doing this race and where my money was going.

I’ll never forget around mile 18 or 19 I found myself all alone. I remember the frightful feeling of realizing this was the first time since the last few miles in Dublin that I ran alone. And those were some rough miles. I felt great and I didn’t want to hit the wall so I quickly needed a pick me up. I tried reciting Psalm 23 but only got through the first verse. I tried the Hail Mary but it went by too quickly and the words weren’t giving me the energy. The Our Father never came to my mind. I tried remembering the passage from Dublin but the words got meshed together and it didn’t sound like anything biblical. And then I remembered Frank’s prayer that helped him through the last few months. But again I was fumbling with the exact words. But I knew that was the prayer I needed at that moment. I didn’t have Jerry or Sharlene to get me through the rest of the race. All I had was God. And right then I needed him. I felt strong but I knew any minute my mind was going to take over matter and I would walk. And there she was. On the side of the road around mile 19 or 20 was a woman holding my verse: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” At that moment I realized I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I would do all things through Christ who strengthens me. For the remainder of the race I prayed this over and over again. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I WILL do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The rest of the race, which is supposed to be the most painful and hardest, became relativity easy. I had a smile plastered on my race and I felt like I was floating instead of running. I knew God was carrying me through those miles. He was the reason that my race was such a success. I finished in 4 hours 34 minutes and 53 seconds. I shaved nearly five minutes off my Dublin time. He was the reason I found five amazing people to train with during this adventure. The people that I look forward to getting to know outside of the racing community. He is the reason for all the hills I cursed during the training. He knew I needed them to conquer this race. He is the one that gave me the strength to get through the race in one piece. So in all honesty, I owe Him my PR.

And now I am back in St. Louis and wondering where the next race will take me. Maybe Nashville, San Diego or even here in St. Louis. Only God knows where these legs will take me. But for now the race is over but the memories will run on forever.